hello

up until now i've been using this journal as a private place for my private thoughts
however, i also write poetry
i've recently decided i would like feedback on my poetry...
but i'm hesitant to ask any real life friends because my poems are only truthful commentaries of my days
if i have added you, it's because you seem interesting, thoughtful or honest and i would appreciate your comments
don't feel obliged to comment, though
if you would only like to read my thoughts, i would appreciate that too

sometimes it's nice to be listened to...
even if the speaker is too cryptic for understanding and the listener is too detached to care

fp

ps
i have kept this friends only because i don't trust the internet.
if you add me, though, leave a message and i will add you back
if you'd like to read a few of my poems, scroll down

flowers are so pretty
in such a generic way
generic like heretic
tic
spick-et
tourniquet?

nope

they're just pretty
in a generic way that i love
with a slight variation
that makes every flower unique
unique!
but similar
like people
the question then becomes...

are we more similar or different?

when did i become so lenient with rules?
what made me think he would change for the better?

i find it interesting that nobody ever asks about
the yelling
or the bruises

and i HATE that his initial shyness makes the world think that he's so innocent and pure
that he's the one who's suffering in this relationship
that i must be the bad one

why did i start making exceptions for him?
who does he think he is to hurt me the way he does?

i find it interesting that nobody ever asked me
how i was or what happened
they all assumed i did something wrong

and i HATE that i went back to it all
maybe because nobody bothered to ask?
maybe because it seemed like he was enjoying himself with people who were always self righteous and cruel towards me?
maybe because i still cared about him?

do i still care about him?

i don't know.
i hurt.